Psychologically Fractured

I have nothing of great substance to cohere and thread about in this instance, but I do have an impulse to record, to write.

In and out, day in day out, fluctuating emotional state up and down. Inability to grasp, to hold, to sustain.

I am only the observer of these instances. I perceive the pain, the pressure and temperature throughout my body. This, however, feels like a defense.

My greatest fantasy is to reset my life, to start anew.

I have patterns of psychological inner narration that reinforces to me that I’m not doing enough, and that I have a potent gift that needs to be expressed, that is my true calling and I know this to be true, the unfurling of the faces of my psyche. Addressing ego, addressing shifts in psychological states and personalities, its always shifting.

That seems to be the key, that the psychological and emotional existence is always shifting. Chaos is reality, that which is always in flux, changing, waving. My true existence is that I am a consciousness of this chaos, and the awareness of this chaos, especially in this age of social media and mass information, is absolutely debilitating and suffocating.

I feel as if only a fraction of my humanity is active each and every day. I can’t help but feel as if this existence is not suitable for the human animal.

The only comfort I have is that I observe, that is all.

The Mass Realized Innate Ability of Ego Separation as a Necessary Advance of the Human Race

It has become ever clear to me as I progress through my life, speaking so far that I am only 23 as I write this, that the necessary and appropriate advance of humanity is that of the capacity of a society to teach and practice ego separation through identification and abstraction out of said ego, and to exist within life as a totality, naturally, not overtly through forced and willfully detached practice, sub-servant to an external power. This is not a new concept, in fact, it’s as old as written texts exist, our first look into the minds of our fellow humans.

The quest for immortality we see in The Epic of Gilgamesh in the 2nd millennium BCE in Mesopotamia outlines just this concept that the Homo Sapien is innately curious of. With the gift and curse of consciousness (being able to regard it as either is a testament to this binary), there exists also the underlying urge, the underlying capacity of consciousness, not limited to human consciousness mind you. I speak of that which is separate from the “I” and is rather the “I am”.

This statement, “I am”, so simple and so poignant and key to this separation of the ego. The “I am” is not reserved to humans, but to animals, trees, the sky, atoms, the cosmos, all that exists, including all perceived not by our limited bodily faculties.

When we speak of immortal life and eternal life, we speak of, insofar as my understanding is currently, of an ultimate state of existence. Immortal life is not to say that this physical body of mine, this animate husk that my consciousness propagates and occupies, it is not to say this body exists indefinitely on this planet. Rather it is the capacity of the human, innately, to be able to identify the fear of death, the concept of death, the concept of life, the fear of life, and to see those not as innate human characteristics, but characteristics of the anxiety of the individual’s conscious, i.e. their ego.

Believing that who you are is what is directly perceivable to others and to your bodily faculties, such as your body, voice, clothes, sexuality, gender, is a fabrication that inevitably comes about through the inescapable variance and subjectivity of the human mind, particularly so when humans congregate and form societies in which there is reliance on each other. This inevitably comes about through the body and mind’s needs, such as the security of food, water, shelter, and connection with other humans. It is hard to blame any human who believes that they are just that, a member of the human race who wants to be accepted within a society, not go hungry or thirsty, and be happy and content.

However, behind all of this bodily and mental security (and this comes along with the capacity to discern right from wrong), is the capacity of the individual to be able to abstract out and identify these characteristics as not the true self, but rather necessary to keep the body alive and conscious within the bounds of time. I often call this idea the divine reality, the divine existence, and it is what I believe brought about myths. The incomprehensible and uncontrollable forces of a deeper nature that exist and are weaved throughout all existence, that which precedes our ability to even consciously recognize it.

Evoking this divine reality, this mystery, not of a god mind you, but of that which creates our ideas of gods, is what has and needs to continued to be harnessed. Its more than curiosity and introspection, it’s what has fueled culture and creativity. And it is this, the human capacity for creation, that is absolutely key here. We have the capacity, as humans to introduce completely new things into this world that can influence the conscious viewers thoughts and conceptions. This is why I paint and make art, to evoke this sublime and divine reality within myself, digging deeper through each painting through the evocations of juxtapositions and relationships of elements; what they rouse within the deeper self is my reason for existing and staying alive. The innate search for truth, as I often find myself describing it, is within every single one of us, and it is not our “duty” (to assume so would be egotistical) to find truth, but the inevitable inclination of the human capacities.

And the way we progress towards this? Awareness. Awareness is what frees us, to be able to identify and abstract out all perceptions, everything. Ignorance is ego, ego is ignorance. I am only “John Bucher, 23 year-old biological male who has dark brown hair, etc.” insofar as an ego can identify it as such. However, this is merely my body.

My ego is “John Bucher”, but in truth “I am”, as are you and every existence. This declaration and truth, if accepted by a mass group of people, namely societies and major cultures, is what will progress humanity. Sounds counterintuitive to say such a statement, as the progression of humanity is worldly and not of a divine reality. I make such statements out of my love and relationship with all life and existence, as for what little time I have on this planet, I hope to evoke within others these truths as they have been evoked within me through creation.

The Power in a Stare

My whole life I’ve been continually drawn to and strongly evoked by static expression. Whether it be Jack Nicholson’s stare in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining (1980) or even the blank expressions of cement-cast garden decorations like cherubs. The stare of a living human in one’s vicinity isn’t as strong, simply because we know that, no matter how long they hold it, that inevitably the expression on their face will change and as such, the evocations of their expression will change. This knowingness that the expression of a human face in activity is non-static alleviates certain parts of the psyche. We can feel more rooted, perceptively, in what’s most immediately conscious, as opposed to ruminating over the unnerving and ambiguous evocations of a forever static expression.

This, precisely, it what is so powerful in the fixed expression, our psyche knows that this face will never shift. Whatever specific expression is shown will be forever so, and certain expressions within this context, can produce deeply strange and unnerving results which are why I’ve always found great significance in them.

Notice the sensations you may feel when peering into Jack Nicholson’s eyes as opposed to the averted gaze of the cherub, what emotions are conjured? There’s clear power in direct confrontation of the eyes, and they can arouse deep psychological responses that are often mysterious and ambiguous, and as such, I believe, bring to the surface the inner majesties and riches of the deeper psyche. There’s also a interesting dynamic at play of knowing that these fixed expressions will always remain so, but that you as a viewer are not static. In the perceptive exchange of views, one is animate, and one is static, causing a potential unnerving imbalance in the exchange, and this is something that can be focused and built upon.

I utilize the fixed stares that are often bizarre, creepy, and mysterious, to evoke deeper emotions and responses from the psyche so that I may better understand my inner self. As symbols, these staring faces represent the festering existences of the unconscious that know the mysteries that dwell there. They mockingly stare at you, the being whose prioritization in order to function is in conscious affairs, while they dwell within the everlasting existence and truths of the unconscious, the primordial land that has always exists and will continue to exist forever beyond our ceasing of consciousness.

As humans, we expect a range of emotions and expressions from others and in every-day life, but when confronted with a single un-changing, un-flinching face, we are apt to look away, but in the context of art, we may find ourselves staring more closely into the gaze, which we otherwise wouldn’t do.

This is still an avenue to be further traveled down in my work. To get to the deepest truths and representations of this concept will be a part of my life-long journey as an artist.

Meditating on the Concept of the Bonfire

Currently I’m late-night reminiscing and I find it very appropriate to document the immediate emotional association I’m dwelling in. This is what’s most immediate, BONFIRE. Bonfire, specifically in how it acts as a sort of ritualistic experience that I partake in outside of any voluntary initiation from myself, I simply join and partake as a secondary audience. The smells, the heat, the cold contrasting, the intimacy, this is the joy of the Bonfire. Deep cool greens, contrasted by a hot scarlet, orange, yellow, flickering, whipping, crackling, vehemently and with love, this is the bonfire. It has and will continue to reoccur in my art.

Of course, its either a complete night time setting or a completely overcast setting, outside, in a backyard, with the comfort of a home in the back of our minds. This association is true insofar as it is nostalgic, but not entirely necessary to the truth of the act.

What is the inherent truth of this evocation to me? The bonfire evokes the younger self, that being the self associated with the freedom and vulnerability of middle school/early high school. It is during these years that I had no egotistical preoccupations that were cultural, such as a job, my emotions and sensations could act much more confidently in the appeals of the emotional sense of self (similar to what Jung would refer to as the Anima). I wanted love, comfort, mutual intimacy. That’s what the bonfire personifies, mutual intimacy, a stimulus for that. It provides specific smells and temperatures that those participating In the intimacies all experience, a binding element. The fire is natural in its state, a plasma, that which emits great light, heat, and visual spectacle, a truth of nature. So when I refer to a bonfire in my paintings, I refer to it in this way: a sort of socially ritualistic intimate experience in which whose integral elements, heat, light and smell, bind those participating in said ritual in a deeply truthfully human and animalistic sense. This hints at an eternal truth of consciousness and perceptiveness, perhaps a sort of archetypal eternal truth of consciousness?

Such truths that I write here are ever persistent within myself as I create art, but I find a strong desire to document it in words and put it on a public platform. To have such experiences documented concretely allows myself to refer back to such strong emotional states to get a greater sense of my holistic self, not just in the ever fleeting moments of evocative intensity, most of which would be forgotten within an hour’s or more’s time. I also find a great sense of obligation to share these thoughts so that others may recognize a truth within themselves that they’ve either suppressed or passively experienced. The concept of the bonfire, for me, is a symbol, and evokes many truths within my individual.

I ask that you meditate on what “ritualistic” occurrences you have in your life that you feel may or do evoke internal truths of your individuality. It is through our acceptance and understanding of the internal truths and variabilities of our emotional states that we may draw ourselves closer to the understanding of the self on all levels of the psyche, not just egotistically (of which American culture specializes in, prioritizes, and rewards.)

Good Design and the Subconscious

Good design confidently appeals to the subconscious. Throughout my experience and passion for art, design and thinking about the mind, I find that timeless successful designs know what they evoke subconsciously and consciously, and it takes a good designer or team to recognize this and to fully realize the truth of the design, in so doing, appealing to the subconscious holistically.

In prioritizing conscious or subconscious appeal, ultimately subconscious rules fundamentally, while conscious appeal can elevate, strengthen, and add as a mental “reward” for the perception of the design. Take, for example, the FedEx logo.

Subconsciously there are multiple aspects at play that speak to the truth of FedEx as an individualized concept. The ratio of dark value to light/medium value of “Fed” and “Ex” as a 3 letter to 2 letter change subconsciously evokes movement, and this is strengthened by the color choices as well, and our culture additionally strengthens it unconsciously since we read left to right. Furthermore the boldness of the type and its tight tracking evoke compactness, stability, and the sans serif typeface evokes cleanliness and directness, whereas a serif would subconsciously stop us in our tracks to draw attention to the serifs, or the “feet” of the letters. With each letter butted up next to each other, we feel as if such a compact set of letters could fit within a rectangular package securely, emphasized even more so subliminally by the rectangular forms found in the letters, especially apparent with the adjacent “d” and “E” at the exact same height, lined up perfectly. The design would be weakened if, for example, the letters weren’t touching at all.

I could also add that the now obvious arrow in the “Ex” appeals to the subconscious (and it certainly was the original intention), but it has entered the public perception of logo design to such an extent that I would consider it rather an appeal to the conscious. Not necessary for a great design, but it certainly reinforces and elevates it, and in this case it very much does so.

Overall we have evocations of movement, stability, compactness, directness, cleanliness, and tying this all together (and perhaps the most important evocation), confidence. All these aspects are appealing to us subconsciously, and are the “individualized truth'“ of the brand that I touched on earlier

Let’s consider another successful design and brand identity, Method.

What is the body wash signifying to us subconsciously? Let us also take in mind that the bottle is a soft plastic with a frosted transparency (not made clear in this image). Immediately there are evocations of smoothness, conciseness, softness, transparency, and of course, confidence. The word “method” suggests a process or an approach, and this process or approach sits succinctly underneath the title. It’s simple: coconut, rice milk, shea butter, topped off with the title of this particular Method body wash type, “simply nourish”. Notice the segmentation, the rhythmic “step” of the design vertically that adds a very simplistic visual action that subconsciously communicates to us trust and transparency. There’s no gaudy ornamental embellishments that try to catch the eye. Rather the simplicity and visual confidence of the bottle catches our eye in almost a friendly manner since the information on this face of the bottle is so approachable and direct. Additionally, I would draw focus to the shape of the bottle. It stands upright, and is softly curved, and we read the text from top to bottom, subliminally representing to us a smooth, clean body, strengthened subconsciously and consciously by the concept and word “body” present in the title. There’s more that I could delve in, but I believe I touched on the most dominant features that make this particular design successful.

Now let us consider a faulty design.

While not horrible, the design could certainly use some cleaning up in regards to variety and hierarchy. When I see this design, nothing evokes “protein shake” or the concept of “premier” subliminally except for the cube-like packaging that communicates stability, strength, and fortification. Of course we have the conscious reading of “protein” by the “30g Protein” calling for our attention as well as the name of the brand, “Premier Protein”, but nothing else really reinforces these concepts confidently, and does’t provide a substantive subconscious appeal. What is damaging this design? First off, the wide array of type sizes and numerous typefaces feel unnecessary and compensatory. The flaw inherent in the logo is that the design of the typeface aims to consciously evoke movement or action, made evident by the tapering diagonals found on the “P” and, while not as inherently harmful, the italicized type. The visual embellishment of the red crescent swoosh also feels unnecessary and compensatory since it further reinforces the hope that the viewer would consciously think of movement or action. There’s also too many colors and visual flairs, especially pertaining to gradients/shading, and a lack of balance and messaging in hierarchy. The design feels sterile, cold, medicinal in a negative way. The design lacks confidence both consciously and subconsciously, and thus I wouldn’t be surprised if some time down the line Premier Protein got a complete re-branding. These products sell perfectly fine, so perhaps a consideration won’t be raised for a long while, but it’s still a necessary talking point I think.

These are just a few examples, and there’s plenty more. Consider the Instagram logo from its old design to how it is now, or the old Patreon logo to the new one we have now. I find it absolutely important as artists, designers, marketers, creators, etc. that we understand how successful designs appeal to our subconscious, and that this particular fact matters more than the inevitable short-term possible appeal of designs that cater to the conscious. Long-lasting successful designs are confident in all that they show; they know precisely what they’re communicating to and why it’s effective. Consciously upon their reveal, (such as the new instagram logo) they might get a lot of backlash because the mass public who are non-design-literate view designs (especially visual mediums, such as graphic design) superficially, but over time it becomes ever clear that these designs last and are strong because they are confident in representing and communicating their individualized truths.

What is "Blue Imp"? (Blog)

I am fascinated by the elusiveness and mystery of the inner psyche and the truths it holds both of the individual and the individual’s relation to the fundamental humanity. It is this mystery and awe that propels me forward into the exploration of truth, of which my realization of has found its way to be most efficient in art and design.

The Blue Imp can be considered the symbol of the elusiveness of the unconscious. It is a being that has always existed and festers in the depths of all humanity, knowing more than our conscious minds and short-sighted cultural temperaments (I speak of the U.S. here) can grasp.

The Blue Imp knows everything about us both as individuals and as members of the human race. It is spontaneous, it terrorizes, it jests, it mocks us knowing we can never fully embrace and grasp it. Other cultures and peoples may have different interpretations of this concept, but I find the concept of the Blue Imp to be consistently reoccurring in the creative process to find my inner truths, most significantly in writing and in painting (see “A Happening in the Woods” found under Artwork->Paintings).

So this blog will be dedicated to the thoughts and revelations of my personal journey to understand this existence. It is my strong intuitive and instinctive feeling that the closer I can get to understanding this existence and truth, the closer I can get to self-actualization, the ultimate goal of the conscious life.

I write this now at age 22, so we’ll see how far this takes us.